I absolutely love the movie, “Peaceful Warrior”. It has inspired me to do a blog series called, “Who, What, Where, When and Why?” This post is the third of this five part series. And it is inspired by the film’s quote, “Are you happy?”
Whoever said that being married was easy? That it was a rainbow of colours? That it meant bright happy days and the absence of sorrow and suffering? It’s a far cry from any of that. Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband and am passionate about my family, but even after 10 years of marriage, it’s stinking hard. It’s always been hard and I don’t expect that it will ever be easy. Life is all about making decisions. And I would have to say that marriage is like that too. We, as human beings, are soooooo selfish. We want things our way. And we want others to fall into our perfect plan, and our ‘perfect’ way.
My awesome husband was traveling for just over a month in order to film his second feature-length film, ‘Internal Mazes’. During that time I was alone with the kids and had established a daily routine that worked out perfect for me. I was feeling happy, healthy and energetic. Then he returned and that routine turned upside down. Now anybody that knows me very well knows that I LOVE routine. I thrive when I am in my routine. I freak out when that routine is all out of whack. My diet goes haywire. I get tired and discombobulated. I drink too much coffee and look for ways to be ‘happy’. So I really need my routine.
I want to share about making decisions though. We all need to live our lives daily making choices. And even though I may, at times, feel as if my life is hopeless. Or as if my marriage won’t be the way I totally want it. I will still choose to love him. I will not give up on him, nor our marriage. I’m not perfect, so why should I expect perfection from him (or anybody else, for that matter). Love is a verb, meaning action. It is patient and kind. It is not proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, it does not hold grudges. It never gives up, never loses faith and endures through every circumstance (1 Corinthians 4-5&7). And who says that I would ever be happier in another marriage anyhow? Who says that my circumstances would give me happiness and contentment?
I mentioned above about looking for ways to be ‘happy’. So many people think that they will be happy if they just have ‘this’, or if they just have ‘that’. If they make a lot of money, or have the ‘perfect’ car. If they find that ‘perfect’ man or woman to share their life with. Or if they reach a certain goal, or obtain a certain title. Well, I’m so sorry my friends, but none of that will bring true happiness. Even if everything works out my way and things go according to my plans, that still won’t bring true happiness. We all have a deep need within our spirits that cries out for completeness and meaning. A vaccum that is waiting to be filled with Truth and realness. So then, where do we find this Truth? Where do we find this Truth that will make us complete, at peace and enable us to live a life with meaning and purpose? Enable us to find fulfillment, regardless of our circumstances?
It is popular now-a-day to ‘create’ your own truth. But how absurd is that? How can one – tiny, fragile, mortal, creature (called ‘human-being’) ‘create’ his own truth? Either something is truth or it is not. Black will never be white and pink will never be green. Vegetables will never be meat, and milk will never be almonds. Am I right? Don’t try and tell me that black is white because I will already know that is not true.
So then, the same goes for my belief system. I choose to believe in Truth. And I believe that Jesus is Truth. That He is the only way to find true fulfillment and satisfaction. That He is the only one that can give meaning to life and can complete me as a person. My husband can not complete me. He is just a fragile, mortal, imperfect individual that will one day die – just like me – and just like every single person that walks on the face of this earth. And my lifestyle – my job, food, fitness, family, and the list goes on – will never complete me. All these things will pass away. And when I am old and ready to leave this world, nothing that I can find here – nothing that is temporal – will go into eternity with me. Just the decisions I have made and the way that I have lived my life.
So then, where are you looking for happiness? Where are you searching for peace, contentment and meaning? Where are you looking to find that which completes you? I’m interested to know your story. Please leave a comment and let’s discuss this.
stacilys.wordpress.com 
So true. So much wisdom has been passed down to us. Lord, help us to apply the wisdom you’ve given us. As Bob Smith would say, “change our stinking thinking,” and help us to live giving thanks, because all of life is a gift.
Routine can be good. The most important for me is to spend some time alone with God everyday, preferably early. Also I’ve found having a mentor helps, someone who lives determined to follow the living Christ. At one time it was my wonderful pastor Bob Smith; for the past while it’s been David Mainse, who I follow on his 100words.ca blog.
God bless you, Staci, and Daniel, and the little ones. Thanks for the thoughts,
Rob
Thanks for being so honest. Like so many others, we’ve gone through marriage struggles- however, I can testify that sticking with each other through the unhappy shacked times builds a stronger foundation for marriage. I think in the Christian community we need to be more honest about marriage struggles so others aren’t surprised or fearful for their own marriages when they inevitably come up to these tough times. These times don’t mean the end, they are part of a normal relationship life cycle. In my relationship,with god there are times of greater and less intimacy and joy -and in that relationship there is only one sinful changeable person… Shouldn’t we expect more fluctuations in our marriages between two sinners?
Diana
Hi Diana. Thanks for the comment. I agree with you about being more open and honest with others. God doesn’t want me to be fake or plastic. He wants me to be real. I’m not going to sugar-coat things in my life because it’s just as you said, we are all sinners. It’s not easy to live with anyone. We need to learn to give and take and to compromise. We need to learn to forgive and be humble enough to confess that we are weak and need forgiveness too. And of course, to communicate in love. blessings.
Hey Rob, I also sooooooo value my daily time alone with God. That’s where I am refreshed and renewed. And that’s also where we can put things, thoughts, priorities, everything into right perspective.
I believe that feelings can be so deceiving sometimes. Because they come and go so easily. I am such an impulsive individual, reacting off of feelings. I’m learning not to do so, which is stinking hard. Wisdom, often times, means keeping your mouth shut. Not saying anything. I believe that there is much wisdom in silence and carefully choosing your words. Don’t you think?
Powerful post chica! I think that I search for happiness in location. My husband and I have moved many times since we got married. Each time we move we assumed that our new city will be the “place” that will make us happy, that it will be where we’ll settle forever. But, in about two years we start looking to move again (we can do this since we both work from home). I know in my heart that what you say here is true, however; I just hope I learn to act on it. Celeste 🙂
Hey there Celeste. Thanks for the encouragement. I hear what you say about searching for happiness in location. I have lived all over the world and it’s so funny because soon after moving to a new place, it looses it’s ‘romanticness’ (I know I just invented that word’ =). I remember when we were in Australia, we both just wanted to have a place to call home. We wanted our own little sanctuary. We wanted good flavorful food again (the food there was really bland compared to what we’re used to and what we like).Last year I was all hype on going back to Afghanistan for 6 months to a year for my hubby to help establish a film school there. I had a romantic view about it all. I’m sure that after being there for a couple of weeks I would be counting the weeks/months to our return. Yup, I believe happiness goes deeper than our circumstances around us.
Bless you girl =)
Staci