At the start of each new year the human race sets out to make goals. Many make resolutions to lose weight, to stop smoking, to read more, to workout, yada yada yada. I don’t despise this attitude, but as we all know, the majority of people fail at these endeavors. Sorry to be a kill-joy. That’s not my intention. Because I too have a goal for 2014. I want to lose myself.
So what does that mean? Most people want to find themselves Staci. People run to the ends of the highways and travel across the world looking for meaning. Wanting to ‘find’ themselves. Wanting purpose. Trying to find something to fill that empty void inside them and get answers to their questions.
What are their questions?
- Why am I here?
- What’s my purpose here on Earth? In this life?
- Where am I going when I die?
- What is truth?
We all have our world views, and some are in search of theirs. I, however, have found mine. The glasses in which I see the world are firmly fixed on my face. I have found myself. Now I want to lose myself. Or should I say, “continue losing myself”, since I have been continuously doing so since the day I first found myself on January 7, 1994.
Ok, back to, “what does that mean”? You see, as I become more and more empty of myself, space is made for my maker to fill me with that which is good. Many people think that humans are essentially good, but my experience has been the exact opposite. I mean, come on, look at the news. Have you seen the headlines? Have you noticed what people all over the world are doing? Even the purest of the best of the most noblest of people are not all that they seem.
I want to be a jar of clay, simply housing an amazing treasure. And that treasure is not of me. I’m just the jar. I know that I am weak. I am poor. I am broken. I am needy. I can’t live this earthly life on my own. I also know that the world despises these ‘states of being’, but to me they are like diamonds and precious stones. You see I have learned that when I am weak, I am strong. when I am poor, I am rich. When I am needy, I am filled. Filled with an inexpressible love, joy, peace, and a calmness of mind, soul and spirit.
So this is my ultimate goal – To lose myself. And when you know that you don’t have any sufficiency of your own, you don’t need to live up to anyone’s expectations or prove yourself to anybody. The only thing needed is to simply abide in the source of all meaning and life. And as I do that, I will lose myself, because “His abundance and my emptiness are a perfect match” (Sarah Young-Jesus Calling). What are your goals for 2014?
Do you despise ‘losing yourself’? Do you despise having to be interdependent and needy? What are your thoughts?