A Wordless Song


A Wordless Heartsong.jpg

When I sing into the night
A wordless song from deep within
My unbelieving heart
Is filled with doubt and sour fear

Don’t know what I believe
Seems all faith is gone
Lord, would you help me please
See with clear lenses, sing a new song

Do you ever feel like giving up? Like what you’re doing isn’t making a difference? Or that what you are trying to achieve will never come about? Like it’s just some sort of pipe dream? I do.

The above is part of a song I just started to write. I wrote it in tears. It’s more of a prayer, than a song. Kind of like a Psalm, like the many one can read in the Bible. The Psalms is a wonderful and poetic book because it’s a collection of poems and songs written from the heart. Written by real people, with real problems, and filled with emotion. Some are out of sheer joy, but many are out of deep desperation.

I want to be like the Psalmists. I want to be real with God about how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. I believe he would have it no other way. I would be lying if I said my life was easy and always rosy. As if I never had any problems and my faith was constantly firm. I don’t want to be putting on a mask or be someone I’m not. I want to be real.

My husband is a filmmaker, and a risky one at that. He is a Christian and produces films that speak into the real issues of societies and realities. Films that give a voice to those that don’t have a voice, so to speak. The most recent film, “Internal Mazes” was made to combat the issue of human sex trafficking and the worth of all individuals, including prostitutes. Every person involved received their pay, except him. We have received investments from others in order to produce it, even our house is in the hands of investors until we are able to pay them back. That was a giant leap of faith.

I loved the quote by Dale Carnegie that I read over at “Soul Gatherings” today.

  • “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”

How about you? Have you ever strived for something you really believed in and lost hope? Have you had dark days where it seemed like a hopeless cause? How do you deal with it?

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31 thoughts on “A Wordless Song

  1. I think we all have days like that, some times more than days. We feel that people do not respond to us well, that they don’t understand what we are trying to give them or show them, we lose faith in our abilty to make a difference. I know that feeling. But I try to tell myself that the actual act of giving, the love you put out there, is what makes it so valuable, not how it is received, and then I keep reminding myself that what matters is not what I get in return, but with what intention I give. 🙂 I mean, obviously we don’t live in a vacum (is that the right spelling?) it is not just me and my world, I am born here for a reason and I have to bring myself to the world in order to give of myself, but you know, ultimately what God cares about is what is in our hearts, and if we have lived from that place, from our hearts, he does not care how we are received, I mean, if we are succesful or not in our giving. At least that is what I believe. And I think we matter more than we think, it is just that people are not always so good at telling us when we have inspired them or done something that has changed them for the better 🙂 I think we should make our dreams about us, about how we want to be, how we want to live, not about what we want others to think or say or do, I think if we focus on what kind of person we want to be, then we will lead and inspire by example, not by preaching 🙂 These are just my thoughts, and my ways, it might no be true for all, or for any, I just thought I’d share my thoughts with you. 🙂

    • Wow, thank you so much for this beautiful comment Trini. And you’re right, ‘we do matter more than we think’. I am all for leading by example. Even the late St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words.” Of course I especially appreciate this quote, being that I’m a Christian.
      Thanks again Trini, and I love this that you wrote.
      🙂

    • That’s so sweet Audrey. Thank you so much.
      Sometimes it’s a bit tough being so melancholy. People that know me in person would never think I was melancholy. They usually think I’m quite sanguine. My husband even said of me once that I’m not sanguine, but that I hemorrage. I’m a bit hyper 🙂
      It’s funny though because I did one of those temporment tests and I came out very strong melancholy. Go figure.
      Thanks again, my friend. You’re greatly appreciated.
      🙂

  2. There have been many days like that in my life. The earliest recollection of an extremely dark period for me was when I was 19. My cousin was supposed to come to watch my band play. I didn’t wait for him and I left. He died that night in a car accident. That was a tough one to come out from What did I do? I lived to the next day. Then the next. Eventually the pain wears off, the feeling of hopelessness wanes, and you hope and pray never to feel that way again. That’s how I cope.

  3. We all have days like that, it proves we are human and alive in this crazy world.

    On a good day, I press in, pray and do what needs to be done anyway.

    On a bad day I prove to the world that I am a broken mess desperately in need of my savior 🙂

  4. I just want to say that I love what Trini said there. I don’t think I can add much to it, other than I realize that what I want and what God needs of me aren’t always the same thing. There are times when it feels like everything is raging against me in one way, and either it means that I am struggling because of some character defect of mine, or that Creator has other plans for me and is not so sublte about how He does it…lol.

    anyway, better times ahead, my friend.

    I hope you and the wee ones are doing well 🙂

    Hugs,
    Paul

    • Me too Paul. Trini has a very sensitive and sweet personality.
      “I realize that what I want and what God needs of me aren’t always the same thing.”
      I so totally agree with this. Sometimes seemingly bad things can be blessings in disguise. I like to end my days with a run and ‘reflection’ walk. Yesterday during my walk, I thanked God for this opportunity to cry out to him and recognize that maybe that’s why I was like that. That I needed to come to the place of desperation. That I needed to look to Him as my helper and not to our own feeble humanness. Or maybe I just needed to be broken so that I could grow stronger. Like when your muscles tear during exercise and as they heal they grow stronger. Yea, I like to think of faith as being a muscle. Without exercising it, it will only atrophy and stay weak.
      Thanks Paul. I really appreciate your friendship.
      And yes, me and the ‘wee ones’ are well, although cold in our winter. brrrrrr.

      Hugs and blessings,
      Staci

  5. on holiday
    left my cares behind
    didn’t need them
    whisper cast your cares on me
    ’cause I care for you
    prayed I could always live this way

  6. Olá, Staci. Muito bom dia!
    Foi interessante ler o seu texto e a sua poesia. Ultimamente tenho me sentido assim, muito desmotivado, cansado. Sem vontade de ler, escrever, ouvir música… nada. Me perguntando se há sentido em criar, escrever poesias, fazer algo que acredito. As vezes acho que são estações da alma… que assim como na natureza, passam. Grande abraço e obrigado por compartilhar seu mundo e suas idéias conosco.

    • Olá Adriando. É isso mesmo. Eu amo o que você disse: “estações da alma” A gente tem que encarar e abraçar os tempos bons e os tempos difíceis. Faz parte da vida.
      Adriano, eu acho que eu não compartilhei ainda com você sobre nosso site, http://www.pontefilmes.com/ que nos criamos para divulgar e exibir nosso trabalho. Se você quiser assistir o film, “Labirintos Internos”, vai ser exibido online do dia 11 até o dia 19 deste mes de 19:00 horas até 23:00 horas. E se você poderia compartilhar isso com os seus amigos e contatos também, seria ótimo.
      Obrigada Adriano. Como sempre, seu comentários são ricos e bem apreciados.
      Abraços
      🙂

  7. Keeping on going when there is no hope left is one of the amazing things about the human race. So often you look back and think, ‘How did I get through that? I could never do that again.’ Yet you did it at the time, and deep down you know you could if you had to. I suppose God gives us the strength we need at the time.

    • Very well said. God does give us the strength we need. And even though it seems like there’s no hope, and the struggle is too much, in the end we come out of it stronger.
      Thanks for sharing.
      🙂

  8. I like Psalms for the reasons you point out. Everyone has down days and challenges. I still believe taht where there is life, there is hope. Never give up, is my mantra.

    I hope you find the strength you need to lean on for those down times. Hugs, 🙂

  9. I like the Psalms for the reasons you outlined. There’s a song I sometimes sing, “Trouble ain’t gonna be here every there.” It helps me hang in there. Also the knowledge that challenges are a part of life.

    I hope you find strength to stand today & in the days ahead. Hugs, 🙂

  10. Oh, I’ve had a hell of a lot of dark days, so many that I wonder how I’m still here sometimes. It’s only been recently that I’ve discovered that there are a lot of good things in life, we just have to have the faith that they will reach us when they are meant to.

    • I hear you there Heather. I love your attitude though about there being good things too. We can’t lose hope, my friend. Life is darn hard, but if we don’t have hope, then all is gone.
      🙂

  11. Married to a great man, S. He puts your feet to the fire. =) I like the opening to the song. I hope you’re feeling better. Our emotions rise and fall – thank God our hope rests in One who is unchanging.

    • Hey Diana. Yes, he is a great man and yes, I am feeling better. Thank you.
      Obstacles and shifting emotions are a part of life. Being a strong feeler, I’ve learned that I can’t place my trust in feelings.
      The Unchanging is constantly with us, and my hope is in Him alone.
      🙂

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