mixed media, poetry

Wings to fly

Wings to Fly

I’m of the belief that we live in a fallen, fractured world of many broken people and fragmented value systems. Not trying to be a downer. Really. I write this because of what I’ve been dealing with lately. Like many, the world over, their childhoods weren’t a time of happy-go-lucky and peaches and cream. I lived in fear of my dad, and don’t know what it means to have/feel affection towards him. I’m not one to lick past wounds and wallow in sorrow over these events. However, I do recognize that our upbringing shapes us and makes us into who we eventually become as adults. For example, my mom used to make my brothers and me watch documentaries on what drugs can do to someone. I’m so glad she did, because although I dabbled in a little experimentation in my youth, drugs always frightened the heck out of me. Thanks mom. Another example. I grew up in fear of my dad. He was a broken alcoholic and had many unhealthy issues that were never dealt with. Because of that, my childhood was robbed from me. Because of that, my idea of family was distorted and messed up.

Lately I’ve been actively working on finding healing in this area. When I was a fairly new Christian, I would leave for work in the morning at peace, after spending some quiet time with God. By the time I got home, I was a bundle of anxiety. When I felt anxious, I always thought I was doing something wrong and that God didn’t approve of. One day He showed me that I fear him the way I feared my dad, and that was revelatory for me. Now I’m starting to see even deeper issues and working on healing from that.

How about you? Do you believe that we live in a broken world? Do you think that our upbringing makes a huge difference on our emotional and mental well-being?

On a happy note, I’m super excited that I’m doing this mixed media course. The above piece is from the first class. Have a great weekend. πŸ™‚

59 thoughts on “Wings to fly”

  1. That is a beautiful piece of art Staci: both painting and the poem! I love the girl, the background, little wings, everything about it really! πŸ™‚
    I also believe that we’re living in a broken world and certainly our upbringing affects our life. Just like you, I too grew up in fear of my dad, he had different problems, more of a mental health nature. He had mood swings and we never knew how is he going to react so we walked on egg shells. I think I grew up into a person who became a people pleaser, I didn’t know how to stand up or speak up for myself because I feared confrontation and negative reactions. I’m 46 now and for the last two-three years I have started to (for a change) think of myself and stand up for myself. Knowing God helps so much; He is my rock, my stable ground and He loves me no matter what. It took me all this time to realize that, but better late than never! πŸ™‚
    Sending Love and Hugs to You Dear Friend! ❀

    1. Wow! Coming from an amazing artist, such as yourself, I consider this a high compliment. Thank you so much Sibella. I’m honoured.
      Oh wow, your upbringing with your dad sounds similar to how I felt too. Never knowing my dad’s mood. Walking on egg shells. I, on the other hand didn’t become a people pleaser. Maybe a bit in the past, but definitely not now. I guess time teaches us some valuable lessons too eh. I’m glad that you’re learning to stand up for yourself S. And I love that, “He is my rock, my stable ground”. Yes, yes, yes, it is He that brings true deep inner healing and gives us beauty for ashes.
      Love and hugs to you, my friend.
      πŸ™‚ ❀

      1. You’re so welcome Staci and Thank You for being such a great friend! ❀

  2. No doubt, we’re broken. It seems like that the dysfunction has accelerated in the past 8 years and it’s worse than I’ve seen it. 😦

    1. Tell me about it. Like a steady decline in morality and values. Hmmmm… It really is sad. Hope you’re enjoying your weekend. Yesterday was our Valentine’s Day here in brazil, so the hubby and I went to see a movie and then dinner. It was nice.

  3. My Grimm thoughts today parallel what you are writing about. I weep over how people, races, religions, and families that are divided.
    Some due to the broken wrecks of our relations that shattered everything in our paths. Others due to the POP culture that makes hating a race, a people, a lifestyle “the thing to do”. Anything that divides us from what we have in common, robs us from rich and wonderful relationships. Fear separates and makes us less than what we are designed to be. It’s Robbery on the highest level.
    Our Heavenly Father is that balm that makes us whole again, allows us to overcome, and makes all things right. Praise His Name.
    He uses that brokenness to minister to others and bring light. God Bless You.
    Fly High, my friend with your beautiful wings.

    1. We truly do live in a broken and fallen world, don’t we Wendy? It makes me wonder how there are people that think that humanism is the key. That we can make this world a better place. Yes, I agree we can all do our part, however, throughout the centuries, all of history, up until now, we haven’t been able to fix things. I know you believe as I do, and the answers are in that, aren’t they.
      Have a great week Wendy, and thank you so much for your encouragement and thoughtful comment.
      πŸ™‚ ❀

  4. Man, can I relate. I lived in fear of my dad until he died when I was 35. I was married and had a child and he still could make me shake in terror if I or my hubs did something he didn’t like. For years I would wonder what I did as a child that could make him so angry at me that he had to hit me with a belt.
    Needless to say, even at age 60, I still carry baggage from that relationship even though I now feel mostly pity and sorrow for him as he was physically abused by his dad (who also hit his mother) and I’m sure he felt he was doing what he thought was best. Forgiveness is something that I think I have done but then something will pop up and I will “blame” him for my “sin”.
    Such a sad, broken, perverted world we live in. I long for my Heavenly home where there will be no tears, no hurt, no hatred, no sadness, no pain.
    Why God chose me, I’ll never understand but I am so grateful He did and my name is written in His Book of Life.
    I think being creative in any area of a person’s life is so healing. I paint furniture, my campers, my rooms….anything that I can paint has been painted. I even took hair chalk to my Rat Terrier and made him colorful. Thankfully my hubs understands that and has given me pretty much full rein to paint away…tho he won’t camp in my wild colored camper! He says the other men in the campgrounds give him “funny looks”! lol
    As always, thank you for sharing your life…it truly helps to know not everyone had a “Dick and Jane” childhood!

    1. Oh wow Queenrobyn. That’s an intense upbringing. Until 35? I’m sorry to hear that. Especially that even today you are suffering the consequences of this.
      Oh that’s great. You pain even your camper. That’s hilarious that your husband won’t camp in your ‘wild coloured’ camper. Also that you actually painted your dog. Hahahahaha.
      Thank you so much for sharing a bit about yourself and for your encouragement and comments.
      Have a great week.
      πŸ™‚ ❀

    1. Thanks Audrey. I’m finally settled here in our new location. Thought I’d take the plunge now and actually do a mixed media course. I love it, and want to do it, so why not, right?
      Yes, my healing process has been a bit of long and arduous one. I’ve come a long way actually. I’ll keep trudging on for more and more freedom.
      Bless you and thank you so much for your support.
      πŸ™‚ ❀

      1. Thanks so much Audrey. I’m having a blast developing in this. I’m such a sucker for eye candy that I can’t keep myself from trying to produce some myself (snicker πŸ™‚ ). Yes, finally starting to feel like I have a home now and things are falling into place. Most important, routine. I loooovvveeee routine.
        Thank you so much for your friendship A. Truly do appreciate you.
        πŸ™‚ ❀

  5. Oh, I love her so so so very much!!!! If this was in a gallery for sale I would have bought it!! ❀ That is how much I love it! ❀ You are an amazing artist! I adore your art!! ❀

    1. Oh wow Trini. Thank you so much. You are so sweet. I’m just starting out, but learning techniques and all. With more practice I hope to be able to put more of my ideas and creations. Really, thank you so much. I’m blown away by your appreciation and comment.
      Bless you.
      πŸ™‚ ❀

  6. Staci, this is a powerful post, very honest. The artwork is marvelous and beautiful. I love the way you embellished the wing, the words that you’ve selected, are perfect! Your poem, “Wings to fly” speaks volumes, so much said. Your written words are very thought provoking, I imagine that we all have some part of ourselves that is in need of healing.

    Always warm wishes,
    Pepperanne β™₯

    1. Hi Pepperanne, oh yes I totally agree. I think we all have some part of ourselves that is in need of healing. No matter our backgrounds. Like I said at the beginning of the post, I’m of the belief that we live in a fallen, broken world. There’s pain and suffering all around, and no one can escape it 100 %.
      Thank you so much Pepperanne for your kind and sweet words. Thank you also so much for appreciating this piece. I really thought the words in each of the feathers would be the perfect way to embellish the wing.
      Have a great week and take care.
      πŸ™‚ ❀

  7. Ah! Dear friend…I wish I could say I don’t understand, but that would be a bold faced lie! I think that everything happens for a reason, Staci…as hard as that is to reconcile at times. I don’t have all the answers but I can tell you with total sincerity, that I believe you had to go through all that you have gone through to become the sweet heart that you are! And the world is a much better place because you grace it!!

    Now…the art…YEEEESSSSSS!! It is a perfect artform for you dear one!! Everything about it speaks of love, and light, and affirmation!! And I knew that Trini would be so inspired by it the moment I saw it!! Much love, Staci!!!,β™‘β™‘β™‘

    1. Oh Lorrie, unfortunately far too many of us understand this all too well. I’m so sorry that you do too. And yes, I agree, my experiences have shaped me and I have learnt and grown from them. The important thing is to have a teachable spirit, right. Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement Lorrie. You’re so sweet.
      Oh yes, the art form. I love it. I just want to grow more and more in it. I love using it and mixing it with poetry. I also thought Trini would appreciate this one. I was so honoured by her comment. Wow. Really blown away.
      Thanks again Lorrie. You are a blessing to me.
      Love and hugs,
      πŸ™‚ ❀

  8. Lovely painting Staci πŸ™‚
    I like what John Ortberg said, that we are all ragged dolls, and what someone else said, we are all equally in need of grace. Your painting captures it succinctly. Wishing you grace on your healing journey.

    1. Oh wow, yes that’s true. I just may make a painting now of ragged dolls and think on that a bit more. Thanks for sharing these great quotes with me Timi.
      Thank you also for the kind words. I think I’ll constantly be healing until the day I leave this Earth, but heck, I’m a lot further along then I was 10 or 20 years ago. And for that I am extremely grateful.

  9. another beautiful poem and what a great creation! So happy to see you utilizing your talents in that course ❀ Also am so sorry to hear about your childhood but am so glad you could rise above and become the lady I know you to be today πŸ™‚ You are inspiring my friend ❀ Fortunately I have fond memories of my own childhood but I agree that how we are brought up does affect us to some extent but I think ultimately it is our choices that we make freely when we have the "wings-to-fly" that determine where we land πŸ™‚ Hugs!

    1. Thank you Neha. I’m so glad you have fond memories of your childhood. That’s what I’m trying to do for my kiddies.
      Oh yes, we can’t blame our sins simply on our childhood. It’s true that we all have free will. However, I also believe that parents have a huge responsibility to teach and to train and to bring up their children in the way they should go, so that they’re better equipped to make the right choices.
      Thanks again sweetie.
      πŸ™‚ ❀

  10. Absolutely beautiful, Staci. God has given you such a creative gift. He is also walking with on your journey of healing which is transforming you from glory to glory. My childhood was a hard thing to overcome. It is only when I walked with God through the healing that my life changed. It has been a blessing. May I share this piece of work with R?

    1. Thank you so much Kirsten. Oh yes, I’ve undergone a lot of healing over the years. Always alone though. Never really with anyone. I know there’s still more needed, and believe that God’s doing something, that’s for sure.
      Oh yes, go right ahead and share it with R. No problem at all.
      Thanks again.

  11. impressive and emotional post… ❀
    * * *
    @"Do you believe that we live in a broken world? Do you think that our upbringing makes a huge difference on our emotional and mental well-being?" – yes, Ma'am, absolutely… our relationship with our parents determine us to become balanced, responsible and harmonious adults or… not! Someone said:"we never heal of our childhood… never completely!" – and I totally agree with this statement…
    * * *
    my very best, take care and good luck in all your present (and future) endeavours… friendly thoughts, MΓ©lanie

    1. Oh wow. Really? We never really totally heal? That’s rough, but makes sense. It’s from our parents that we are trained for life. And if that’s messed up, then we become messed up and need fixing, right?
      Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment and wishes.

  12. Oh Staci, I can relate! My dad (who also drank) wasn’t physically abusive but was (and is) so shut down and absent that it affected most of my relationships with men. I would go years without speaking to him then try to establish the kind of relationship with him that was just not possible. I did a lot of hard work with professionals and alot of journaling and praying and can honestly say I”m ok with our relationship now. It’s not deep, mostly superficial but I’m okay with that and can be loving toward him. Dad’s now 80, living in assisted living with some dementia. He’s happy with his simple life and I’m happy for him. Everyone loves him there and tells me what a great man he is. Sometimes, I want to correct them and tell them he was a horrible father but then I think, what good will that do. Your art and poem are beautiful. You’re so talented!

    1. Ohhh, thank you for sharing this with me. My dad passed away almost five years ago, and my relationship with him never went deeper. It also stayed superficial. I have gone through a tremendous amount of healing, but I believe there’s still more to be had. I’m working on it. πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for appreciating my artsy efforts and for your kind words.

  13. Hi Staci, I’m sorry to hear about your relation with your dad. And I know that get rid of the past is impossible, we will always carry it around, but we need to understand that it can hurt us no more. Your art is lovely, the girl isn’t very sad now, I think she is finding her place in this world. Hugs to you!

    1. Oh yes, I agree with you. It doesn’t hurt anymore. There are psychological things that happen of course, and like you said, I will always carry that stuff. It’s embedded in the memory, right. But I’m fine.
      Oh yes, she’s not sad. Hehehe. She is finding her place, actually has found her place in this world.
      Hugs to you too Elizabeth.

  14. Not everyone is able to open up about their broken childhood and (pardon my choice of word) baggage, but you do it with such honesty, You inspire a lot of people stacilys…

    1. What a nice thing to say. Thank you so much for your encouraging and sweet words sensoria300.
      Oh yes, no need to pardon your choice of word. That’s exactly what it is – baggage. I’ve gone through so much healing already, however there are still bio-physical symptoms because of it. I’m confident that I’m heading in the right direction though, and that there is more healing up ahead.
      Thanks again. You’ve truly encouraged me with your comment.
      πŸ™‚ ❀

  15. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This article comes at a time when many people are conflicted, as we approach Father’s Day. I remember wishing there were cards that just said, “Have a nice day” when my Dad was alive. I too have experienced healing from my past and I have started to find ways to honour my father for the good things he did. That is another measure of healing.

    Your poem is beautiful, as is your art piece. I like the words on the feathers of her wing and how she only has one wing, indicating (to my mind) that her healing is not yet complete, but beautiful nonetheless.

    Blessing Hugs,

    1. Oh Teresa, I don’t know what happened here. I thought I had responded to your comment. Maybe I responded to it right in the notifications and my internet was down or something, and I thought it posted but actually didn’t. I don’t know.
      At any rate, thank you so much for your comment. I really like what you said about the one wing and the healing is not complete. What a great way of seeing it.
      Bless you Teresa.

  16. Beautiful post! I can relate a lot, Staci. I’m sorry to read about your very difficult childhood. 😦
    I think most of the time, terrible things can be a strength in life. They shape you, make you who you are. I always have the feeling my past lead me to this life for a reason.
    I don’t consider myself a believer (I mean a religious person) but I have faith in general, I’m optimistic.
    But it’s been a long path… since I was 6, death has been a part of my life, I lost my grandpa and my dad almost passed away many times. I’ve lost many people, close or not… even young people. So I’ve always been very mature and at the same time, I’m overenthusiastic about pretty much everything and see the beauty in all the little things. Everything can stop tomorrow so… let’s enjoy and spread love!
    πŸ™‚ beijinhos

    1. Oh yes, I love that attitude “see the beauty in all the little things.” I really think that the little things are the ones that matter.
      Thank you so much for sharing and for your kind words. I’m sorry that you can relate though. I’ve undergone a lot of healing from my past and it doesn’t effect me much on an emotional level. But I truly do believe that we are shaped by our past, like you mentioned. Our parents are there to lead us and guide us in this life. To grow to be responsible and mature human beings. Unfortunately we live in a fallen world and that doesn’t always happen. But beauty can definitely come from ashes. And joy can be birthed out of sorrow.
      Thanks again and have a great day.
      Beiiiijjjjoooooossss ❀

  17. Thanks for sharing about your childhood–yes, we definitely live in a fallen world and sometimes I feel it is a everyday struggle just to survive. I agree that our past, our childhood especially, shapes us into the adults we become. There are definitely things from my past, my teen years especially, that I have let defined me as an adult, which I need to get rid of.

    1. You know Crystal, I went through the wringer in my 20s. I was so messed up emotionally and psychologically, but God has done some amazing stuff in my life. During that whole time, he was bringing stuff up and healing me. Thankfully. It was soooooo tough, and in fact, I still take medication for an anxiety disorder (personally I think I’m just dependant on the meds now). I I don’t take them, I don’t sleep, I get very irritable, I’m unable to control my emotions and I eat super fast. Anyhow, our upbringing definitely makes a huge difference.
      I hope and pray that you would grow into all that God has made you to be and that he heals you up entirely, my friend.
      Blessings to you.
      πŸ™‚ ❀

      1. Thank you Staci for your encouraging words. Just from your what you said about your life alone proves that God can always turn things around and will. I know God will continue to bless you in your life and make you a positive example to others πŸ™‚

      2. Thank you so much Crystal. I know that God will do the same with and through you too, my friend.

  18. I believe so too. There’s a quote that says “We’re all broken, thats how the light gets in”. Our upbringing I believe plays a great role In how we view and react to things.
    There some childhood experiences that I see others rightfully beat themselves up over till now, but for me I am okay with those experiences.

    1. What a great quote. It’s so true. We all have some brokenness. We all have trash from the past. I believe we live in a fallen world, so it’s a part of life I guess.
      I don’t have many happy childhood experiences, but I’m so happy and content now. I’ve gone thorough a lot of healing, and am so thankful for that. I guess what I’ve experienced has helped to bring me to who I am today.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s