Struggles and Stability

“I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise”.

Way back about 18 years ago (more or less) someone told me that the struggles I was going through were necessary for my growth. In order to be stable and have a firm foundation, I needed to go through them. At the time I hated it. I was an emotional wreck, constantly questioning myself, my thoughts, my faith, my feelings… I used to be run by my feelings, but have since learned that life can’t be lived that way. Oftentimes feelings blind and deceive.

I recently came upon the above quote in the book of Isaiah. it speaks of the rebuilding of a city with precious stones, such as stones of turquoise. Turquoise has been known to symbolize wholeness, spiritual grounding and emotional balance.

I believe my friend was right. I’ve gone through a lot, but it really has served me well. I have been rebuilt with stones of turquoise.

How do you see the struggles of life? Do you allow them to cause growth?

Love is…

...when he holds the fort and serves me when I'm sick.

Inspired by a post that a fellow blogger, Pete, wrote, I have decided to do a series on ‘Love is…’ I don’t know how often I will post a ‘Love is…’ post, but today marks the first one.

Love me more than what you feel

Feelings and passion aren’t love for real

Real love goes far deeper still

Still my mind with love of will

Will you love me with your deeds

Deeds unselfish, heart that bleeds

Bleeds and sweats a love that’s true

Truly chooses each day to do

Do the best, seek from above

Above to learn to really love.

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Last weekend I was sick, and couldn’t do much around the house. My husband was so good at taking care of the kids, tidying up and serving me.

The above loop poem was actually the response to a challenge I accepted some time ago, which was to write a poem about love in 10 sentences. It is a little (ok quite) cheesy, but thought it appropriate for the message for ‘Love is…’ today.

What would be your, ‘Love is…’ message for this week?

The Word – Quadrille

The Word – Quadrille on Mixed Media

Have you ever been passionate about something? I mean, like vehemently. I feel like this time in my life is a time of new beginnings. It’s become a fire in me.

It’s been a while since I’ve written an original poem following a poetry form. I had to give my try at this quadrille after reading a fellow bloggers post over at A Reader Writr.  The poem is in response to a prompt over at dversepoets.

So, back to my question to you: Have you ever been passionate about something? If so, what?

Dagger of Truth

Dagger of Truth – Triple Haiku on Mixed Media

Foxes have been considered pests, sly, cunning and clever.

In Australia they are seen as an invasive species. They have caused many problems in the country, impacting the environment and agriculture, even causing many species to become extinct because of their predation.

In ancient Israel, little foxes were considered potential threats that spoil things of value. Even in the romance book of the ‘Song of Solomon’ the woman says to her beloved, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.”

Even Jesus called the monarch a fox, a negative term to imply he was a cunning and sly individual.

Foxes are little. They walk around on their tip-toes, as if sneaking around. They dig through gardens and scatter weeds.

It’s the same with the little things in our lives that we think don’t have any major impact. Little white lies, negative thoughts, cruddy attitudes, bitterness…

I, for one, don’t want to accept the lies. Truth is my dagger, and I know that when light is present, darkness must flee.

What are your little foxes?

The Sojourn

The Sojourn – double Haiku on mixed media

First of all, let me say a big HELLO!!! I’m back from my travels and looking forward to getting the creative juices flowing again. 🙂

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Would you consider your time here – your earthly life – a sojourn?

Sojourn: A temporary stay (noun); To stay somewhere temporarily (verb)

I love what Temple Grandin (one of the first individuals on the autism spectrum to publicly share insights from her personal experience of autism) said when confronted with the issue of death. A horse had died, and she asked, “Where’d he go?”

It may sound funny, but really is an existential question that we all face. Where do we go when our bodies die?

As for me, I believe that who I really am, returns to my maker once my body dies. My stay here really is temporary.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that is full of darkness. A mountain of madness and a plethora of ugliness happens daily. All-over-the-world.

I am thankful though, that I have big shoulders to rest between. That place of rest is a place of provision and security. My maker remembers that I am but dust, and He is perfect in every way. He provides me with pockets of silence and peace amid all the chaos.

Do you consider your time on Earth a sojourn?

The Need

The Need – Poem on mixed media

You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in you. ~Augustine

I am very affected by climate changes. When it’s sunny and warm, I am happy and full of life. When it is cold and grey, I am lethargic and down. Actually, I get very depressed.

I love the quote above by Augustine. It reminds me that my deepest needs can not be met in the material, nor by me. It reminds me that I need to run to one that is greater than me.

This poem was birthed out of deep depression and great need. It reminds me of what King David wrote in the Psalms; “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?”

He spoke to his own soul; so I did the same.  I went to the one that is higher than I and poured out my heart. And you know what? I found rest, comfort and reassurance. My mind was no longer playing tricks on me. I decided I was not going to be a prisoner to the screams in my mind and the tightness in my heart. That doesn’t mean that negative feelings never come back, but they can’t control me.

How do you deal with negative feelings?

Wings to fly

Wings to fly – Poem on Mixed media

We live in a fallen, fractured world of broken people and fragmented value systems. Some are fortunate enough to have a happy and healthy upbringing, but I would dare to say that they are in the minority.

I lived in fear of my dad, and don’t know what it means to have or feel affection towards him. I’m not one to lick past wounds and wallow in sorrow; however, I do recognize that our upbringing shapes us and makes us into who we eventually become as adults. For example, my mom used to make my brothers and me watch documentaries on what drugs can do to someone. I’m so glad she did, because although I dabbled in a little experimentation in my youth, drugs always frightened the heck out of me.

Another personal example, and as stated above, is that I grew up in fear of my dad. He was a broken alcoholic and had many unhealthy issues that were never dealt with. Because of that, my childhood was robbed from me. Because of that, my idea of family was distorted and messed up.

I have worked on finding healing in this area. When I was a fairly new Christian, I would leave for work in the morning at peace, after spending some quiet time with God. By the time I got home, I was full of anxiety. When I felt anxious, I always thought I was doing something that God didn’t approve of. One day He showed me that I feared him the way I feared my dad, and that was revelatory for me.

How about you? Do you believe that we live in a broken world? Do you think that our upbringing makes a huge difference on our emotional and mental well-being?

 

Security

Security – Poem on mixed media

One of the definitions of security is “feeling safe, stable, and free from fear or anxiety.”

How secure are you in who you are? I used to be very insecure. A lot of that came out of my childhood, and living with an alcoholic father that I feared constantly.

Today though, I am secure. I have a great husband and two beautiful children that are healthy and happy. I live in a warm sunny place that does wonders for the serotonin levels in my brain. I have a roof over my head, friends and faith. I also have purpose and peace in my heart.

Even though I am no longer a spring chicken, and the days of my youth have passed, I’m ok with that. No problem at all. My security and contentment do not rest in what others make of me. My importance isn’t in how I look or what I can do. It lies in something far deeper than passing things. It lies in something eternal.

Do you struggle with insecurity? Are you content with who you are? Where does your worth and security lie?

A Beautiful Thing

A Beautiful Thing – Poem on mixed media

Have you ever seen a crimson rose? I have only seen them in photos, but never in real life. They are beautiful and have a deep, rich color. So deep that sometimes they can even resemble the color of blood.

It’s meaning is two-way, signifying loss, death and mourning, as well as rebirth and love. It makes me think of a love that is committed and passionate. One that is willing to sacrifice for the good of another. One that is even willing to die for another. This type of love is a rare and beautiful thing.

Have you ever experienced a love like that?

Shantih

Shantih – Poem on mixed media

Shanti is a Sanskrit word and means peace, calmness, tranquility. It can be spelled either  with or without an ‘h’ at the end, however, the inclusion of the ‘h’ at the end, most commonly seen in the popular modernist poem by T.S. Eliot, ‘The Wasteland’, translates it as, ‘The peace which passeth understanding.’

The Bible talks about this ‘peace which passeth all understanding’ when it addresses the issue of anxiety. I used to get very anxious, in fact, most of my wrinkles probably come from how anxious I used to get. I have learned though, that there is one infinitely bigger than little old finite me, that is able to carry my load, thankfully.

When I became a Christian, I used to get anxious daily. Sometimes I would return home from work in tears. Then one day, out of nowhere, I sensed that God spoke into my heart, “Staci, you fear me as you feared your dad”. I think the manifestation of that fear was me trying to please God religiously. Whenever I felt the anxiety come on, I always thought it was because I was doing something wrong in the eyes of God. Over time, I realized that God’s love for me didn’t depend on what I did. His acceptance of me was purely and entirely an act of mercy and grace.

One of the most fundamental needs of human beings is relationship. To me, being a Christian is all about that – Relationship.  Relationship, and not religion.

“…My joy and peace. These intangibles slake the thirst of your soul, providing deep satisfaction.” Sarah Young-Jesus Calling

Are you an anxious person? How do you seek peace?