Shantih

Shantih – Poem on mixed media

Shanti is a Sanskrit word and means peace, calmness, tranquility. It can be spelled either  with or without an ‘h’ at the end, however, the inclusion of the ‘h’ at the end, most commonly seen in the popular modernist poem by T.S. Eliot, ‘The Wasteland’, translates it as, ‘The peace which passeth understanding.’

The Bible talks about this ‘peace which passeth all understanding’ when it addresses the issue of anxiety. I used to get very anxious, in fact, most of my wrinkles probably come from how anxious I used to get. I have learned though, that there is one infinitely bigger than little old finite me, that is able to carry my load, thankfully.

When I became a Christian, I used to get anxious daily. Sometimes I would return home from work in tears. Then one day, out of nowhere, I sensed that God spoke into my heart, “Staci, you fear me as you feared your dad”. I think the manifestation of that fear was me trying to please God religiously. Whenever I felt the anxiety come on, I always thought it was because I was doing something wrong in the eyes of God. Over time, I realized that God’s love for me didn’t depend on what I did. His acceptance of me was purely and entirely an act of mercy and grace.

One of the most fundamental needs of human beings is relationship. To me, being a Christian is all about that – Relationship.  Relationship, and not religion.

“…My joy and peace. These intangibles slake the thirst of your soul, providing deep satisfaction.” Sarah Young-Jesus Calling

Are you an anxious person? How do you seek peace?

Wings to fly

I’m of the belief that we live in a fallen, fractured world of many broken people and fragmented value systems. Not trying to be a downer. Really. I write this because of what I’ve been dealing with lately. Like many, the world over, their childhoods weren’t a time of happy-go-lucky and peaches and cream. I lived in fear of my dad, and don’t know what it means to have/feel affection towards him. I’m not one to lick past wounds and wallow in sorrow over these events. However, I do recognize that our upbringing shapes us and makes us into who we eventually become as adults. For example, my mom used to make my brothers and me watch documentaries on what drugs can do to someone. I’m so glad she did, because although I dabbled in a little experimentation in my youth, drugs always frightened the heck out of me. Thanks mom. Another example. I grew up in fear of my dad. He was a broken alcoholic and had many unhealthy issues that were never dealt with. Because of that, my childhood was robbed from me. Because of that, my idea of family was distorted and messed up.

Lately I’ve been actively working on finding healing in this area. When I was a fairly new Christian, I would leave for work in the morning at peace, after spending some quiet time with God. By the time I got home, I was a bundle of anxiety. When I felt anxious, I always thought I was doing something wrong and that God didn’t approve of. One day He showed me that I fear him the way I feared my dad, and that was revelatory for me. Now I’m starting to see even deeper issues and working on healing from that.

How about you? Do you believe that we live in a broken world? Do you think that our upbringing makes a huge difference on our emotional and mental well-being?

---

On a happy note, I’m super excited that I’m doing this mixed media course. The above piece is from the first class. Have a great weekend. 🙂