The Need

The Need – Poem on mixed media

You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in you. ~Augustine

I am very affected by climate changes. When it’s sunny and warm, I am happy and full of life. When it is cold and grey, I am lethargic and down. Actually, I get very depressed.

I love the quote above by Augustine. It reminds me that my deepest needs can not be met in the material, nor by me. It reminds me that I need to run to one that is greater than me.

This poem was birthed out of deep depression and great need. It reminds me of what King David wrote in the Psalms; “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?”

He spoke to his own soul; so I did the same.  I went to the one that is higher than I and poured out my heart. And you know what? I found rest, comfort and reassurance. My mind was no longer playing tricks on me. I decided I was not going to be a prisoner to the screams in my mind and the tightness in my heart. That doesn’t mean that negative feelings never come back, but they can’t control me.

How do you deal with negative feelings?

Color me Green

Color me Green – Part 6 of a 9 part poem on mixed media

Did you know that green is the easiest color for the eyes to process? It is said to evoke growth, healing, peacefulness and calm. It’s the color of life and renewal. It is a secondary color, meaning it is made up of two primary colors – yellow and blue. It gets it’s optimism from yellow, and it’s peacefulness from blue.

It’s no wonder that my focus is on the green girl right now, because green is known to balance emotions. I have struggled for a number of years with… er, um… we don’t really know. I suffered with extreme insomnia for years, and finally did something about it when I wasn’t falling asleep until daybreak the next day. There were thoughts of it being depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety disorder and ADHD. I had been on medication since 2004 because of it, however I was having some undesirable side effects. My doctor decided to change medications because of it. I was suppose to slowly wean myself off of the medication I was already taking in order to start the new one.

When I started lowering the dosage, I began feeling down, depressed and a bit irritated. I went to see a friend a couple of days into this and her sisters were there visiting. I told them about what I was going through and they prayed for me. Since then, my mood completely changed. Even my husband was shocked by how tranquil and easy going I had become. I’m still weaning myself off of it, but I really don’t think I’ll have to start the other meds.

Yes, I think green is a wonderful color. Balanced emotions for someone who has been unbalanced for so long is a huge delight.

Have you ever struggled with unbalanced emotions? What do you do to deal with them?

 

 

A Caged Bird

Childhood is a very important time in a person’s life. Those who raise children can either make or break them. If broken during these fragile, formative years, the outcome can be drastic. It can take a whole lifetime to heal, and oftentimes there are wounds that scar until death.

Do you agree with the above?

 

 

Wings to fly

I’m of the belief that we live in a fallen, fractured world of many broken people and fragmented value systems. Not trying to be a downer. Really. I write this because of what I’ve been dealing with lately. Like many, the world over, their childhoods weren’t a time of happy-go-lucky and peaches and cream. I lived in fear of my dad, and don’t know what it means to have/feel affection towards him. I’m not one to lick past wounds and wallow in sorrow over these events. However, I do recognize that our upbringing shapes us and makes us into who we eventually become as adults. For example, my mom used to make my brothers and me watch documentaries on what drugs can do to someone. I’m so glad she did, because although I dabbled in a little experimentation in my youth, drugs always frightened the heck out of me. Thanks mom. Another example. I grew up in fear of my dad. He was a broken alcoholic and had many unhealthy issues that were never dealt with. Because of that, my childhood was robbed from me. Because of that, my idea of family was distorted and messed up.

Lately I’ve been actively working on finding healing in this area. When I was a fairly new Christian, I would leave for work in the morning at peace, after spending some quiet time with God. By the time I got home, I was a bundle of anxiety. When I felt anxious, I always thought I was doing something wrong and that God didn’t approve of. One day He showed me that I fear him the way I feared my dad, and that was revelatory for me. Now I’m starting to see even deeper issues and working on healing from that.

How about you? Do you believe that we live in a broken world? Do you think that our upbringing makes a huge difference on our emotional and mental well-being?

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On a happy note, I’m super excited that I’m doing this mixed media course. The above piece is from the first class. Have a great weekend. 🙂

The Need

You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in you.
~Augustine

I am very affected by climate changes. When it’s sunny and warm, I am happy and full of life. When it is cold and grey, I am lethargic and down. Actually, I get very depressed. Being that we are entering our winter here in Brazil, the temperatures are dropping, and sometimes it’s grey.

I love this above quote by Augustine. It reminds me that my deepest needs can not be met in the material, nor by me. It reminds me that I need to run to one that is greater than myself.

This poem was birthed out of deep depression and great need. I remembered something that the King of Israel wrote sometime between the 900s and 1000s B.C.
“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?”
He spoke to his own soul. So I did the same. And I went to the one that is higher than I and poured out my heart. And you know what? I found rest. I found comfort. I found reassurance. My mind was no longer playing tricks on me. I decided I wasn’t going to be a prisoner to the screams in my mind and the tightness in my heart.

Are you affected by weather and climate changes? Do you suffer with depression? How do you deal with it?

Heart Ticks

I was watching a Ted Talk on Youtube late one night a couple of weeks ago. Paul Morgan was the speaker and his topic was, “How postmodern humans can wake up and find their groove.” There were a number of different things he said that really impacted me, such as:

–We live in a culture that nourishes distractions.

–The world we’re heading towards is of social and ecological chaos.

–A place without nature, eating food out of machines (like The Jetsons)

–A world full of high-tech stuff without a decent planet to put it on.

He said that we needed to start putting an emphasis on ‘being more’, instead of ‘buying more’ (really becoming happy not working hard, and then eating pills to become happy).

When I started to write this poem, I didn’t know where I was going with it. However, as I progressed with it, I knew I wanted to touch on this subject of depression and modern culture.

What do you think about Paul Morgan’s words? Do you agree, or disagree with what he said? Do you believe that a lot of the reason we are seeing an epidemic of depression is because of working too hard, aquiring too many things (hoping that they’ll bring happiness), and a falling away from values that were held in high regard in the past, especially during pre-indrustrial times (community, hospitality, etc.)?

Urban Melody/Melodia Urbana

This poem is my first collaboration with Adriano Yamamoto, a very talented Brazilian poet. We wrote this poem together considering issues of modern society, consumerism and the lack of affection and human connection. After reading Culture Monk’s post, I just knew this was the topic to go with.

How does this poem make you feel? Do you believe that modern living causes us to isolate ourselves? Do you believe that it’s a huge contributor to the depression epidemic?

In Your Eyes

I can see
Through this window to your soul
There’s a need
To know peace, to find some calm
Tranquility
I can see
You’re just like me

In your eyes
Sad, sad eyes
Your eyes
Sad, sad eyes
In your eyes
Sad, sad eyes
Sad, sad eyes

You can’t change
The way you feel the things you do
There’s no hope
No escaping this emotional zoo
In a prison
I can see
You’re just like me.

Have you ever suffered with depression? Have you ever wondered why so many people now-a-day suffer with it? Have you ever wondered why depression has become the epidemic of the 21st century?

I started writing this song a few years ago, and just haven’t gotten around to finishing it yet. I don’t really know how to finish it. I have suffered from something since my early 20s, although I have never received a full diagnosis. All I know is that you don’t want to be around me if I don’t take my medication. I don’t sleep. I get extremely irritated. I inhale my food, unable to control myself. My emotions are all over the map, and I am ultra-sensitive. There have been speculations of bi-polar, depression, anxiety disorder and ADHD. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll find out what it is, but for now I’ll keep taking my meds, because they seem to help.

Depression isn’t anything new. It dates back to pre-history and medieval periods. Now-a-day, we hear of depression as being the disease, or epidemic of the 21st century. Why is that so? Could it be because of the breakdown of family structure in modern times? A Government study mentioned on ‘Mail Online’ says,“Children from broken families are nearly five times more likely to suffer damaging mental troubles than those whose parents stay together.” Another article says, “Depressed: Children from broken homes are more likely to be plagued by suicidal thoughts in later life.” Freud also emphasizes early life experiences as a predisposing factor.

Maybe the problem lies in our values system as a society. We hold ‘being happy’ as the be-all, end-all of life. If I have the perfect body, make a lot of money, have a healthy family, am healthy myself, have a big house and acquire the things I like, then I’ll be happy. If one doesn’t achieve these things, is continually striving for them, and never satisfied with what they have, then they have been unsuccessful at reaching their goal of ‘happiness’. Depression creeps in.

Then there’s the problem with actually acquiring all of these things, but still not finding happiness in it all. Then what? One may have all they could ask for, but it still doesn’t satisfy. So then, the search for ‘happiness’ has proven to be a waste of time and life.

I’m sure that depression is caused by a number of things. What causes it in one, may not be the cause in another. I believe I have some type of chemical imbalance, yet why do I? What contributed to that happening? Is it because I didn’t have a good father? Or because I bought into the lie of needing to be perfect, yet never attaining it? Who knows?

Now back to you. Have you ever suffered with depression? Have you ever wondered why so many people now-a-day suffer with it? Have you ever wondered why depression has become the epidemic of the 21st century?

No thanks to you media (triquain)

Trapped inside
Vicious lies I’ve believed
Consuming, controlling, possessing
Imprisoned in a bubble, believing dark lies
Depression sucking life out of me
Unworthy, ignoble
Media

Do you feel that the media has a strong effect on how people see themselves and others now-a-day? Do you think it forms world-views and ideas about what is right and what is wrong? I do.

This poem is in response to the Monday Photo Prompt (original photo found here) that Kirsten over at Kirsten Uninterrupted posted. As soon as I saw it I knew I had to write a poem. So many people have ideals that they try to live up to. Specifically girls, and the way they see their bodies and physical appearance. With such a strong push by the media to have the ‘perfect’ body, the perfect hair, the perfect clothes, the perfect guy – if not achieved, many are not content.

What do you think? Has the media played a large part in the way you see yourself? Has it influenced the way you think about others? Do you think the media always tells the truth?

Fatherless

she sits in silence
     wanting
          watching
               waiting

a solitary tear falls upon the face of a child
     looking for acceptance
          for his return
               her father coming home

my princess
my flower
words she longs to hear
the construction of her confidence
assurance of his presence

no longer the need to awaken love
     before its time
          in the arms of another

Fathers – Love your daughters

When you think of the word “Father” what comes to mind? Did you have a healthy relationship with your dad? Or was it unhealthy? I can tell with full confidence that mine was not a healthy one.

As Western culture and society move more and more away from the values of family and commitment in relationships, unfaithfulness, divorce and broken hearts are on the rise.  I’m not a sociologist by any means, but I think it’s safe to quote Michael Rosenfeld, author of “The Age of Independence: Interracial Unions, Same-Sex Unions and the Changing American Family” in saying that even in the age of independence family is still the basic foundation of a human being.

I remember when I was still in my 20s and at a friend’s house, there was a man there that was talking about the affects of a father’s absence in the life of a teenage girl.  He spoke about how it is so easy for a girl to give herself sexually to another when she doesn’t have a strong and healthy relationship with her dad.  I thought he was full of crap, but as I debated with him and pondered the subject afterwards, I could really see that what he was saying made a lot of sense.

I wrote this poem soon after reading the poem of a blogger friend. He shared a video as well and it made me cry. It’s about a little girl in a car, leaving her father standing outside, saying goodbye.  She looked so sad.

Live Science says that scientists have found, after decades of research, that a father’s parenting style affects their kids just as much, and sometimes more, than mom’s.

The Child Welfare Information Gateway for the U.S. Department of Human Services states that a present father has a huge impact on a child’s cognitive ability and educational achievement, as well as psychological well-being and social behavior. One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior.

National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse says, The presence of a responsible father plays a key role in delaying sexual debut and reducing teen pregnancy. Concerning substance abuse they say, Research results show that father closeness serves a protective factor against the use and abuse of alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, and hard-drugs during adolescents.

Now at the age of 40, I can safely say, with full confidence, that I no longer suffer the affects of an absent father. I have had great healing, thanks to my faith, but it didn’t come easy. In recollect, I fit the description of all that is stated above.  I did poorly in school and had very low self-esteem.  I exhibited disruptive behavior and had poor social relationships. I lied continually and got in trouble with the law.  I experienced great depression and chronic insomnia.  I started smoking at a very young age and used drugs, with a dependence on marijuana. And last, but not least, sought love at a young age through sexual relationships and promiscuity.

Now back to you. What does “father” mean to you? Do you feel that the presence of a father within the family unit is necessary for the healthy development and growth of a child?  Would you describe your relationship with your father a healthy one? If not, how did that affect you in your formative years?  And if so, how did that affect you in your formative years?

Photo by: http://buzzbuddy.de/sie-bauten-einen-2-millionen-euro-lamborghini-mit-nur-11-000-euro-und-einem-volvo/she sits in silence