Songs, Spiritual

A Wordless Song


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When I sing into the night
A wordless song from deep within
My unbelieving heart
Is filled with doubt and sour fear

Don’t know what I believe
Seems all faith is gone
Lord, would you help me please
See with clear lenses, sing a new song

Do you ever feel like giving up? Like what you’re doing isn’t making a difference? Or that what you are trying to achieve will never come about? Like it’s just some sort of pipe dream? I do.

The above is part of a song I just started to write. I wrote it in tears. It’s more of a prayer, than a song. Kind of like a Psalm, like the many one can read in the Bible. The Psalms is a wonderful and poetic book because it’s a collection of poems and songs written from the heart. Written by real people, with real problems, and filled with emotion. Some are out of sheer joy, but many are out of deep desperation.

I want to be like the Psalmists. I want to be real with God about how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. I believe he would have it no other way. I would be lying if I said my life was easy and always rosy. As if I never had any problems and my faith was constantly firm. I don’t want to be putting on a mask or be someone I’m not. I want to be real.

My husband is a filmmaker, and a risky one at that. He is a Christian and produces films that speak into the real issues of societies and realities. Films that give a voice to those that don’t have a voice, so to speak. The most recent film, “Internal Mazes” was made to combat the issue of human sex trafficking and the worth of all individuals, including prostitutes. Every person involved received their pay, except him. We have received investments from others in order to produce it, even our house is in the hands of investors until we are able to pay them back. That was a giant leap of faith.

I loved the quote by Dale Carnegie that I read over at “Soul Gatherings” today.

  • “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”

How about you? Have you ever strived for something you really believed in and lost hope? Have you had dark days where it seemed like a hopeless cause? How do you deal with it?

Spiritual, The Peaceful Warrior -5

WHY?


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I absolutely love the movie, “Peaceful Warrior”.  It has inspired me to do a blog series called, “Who, What, Where, When and Why?” This post is the fifth and last of this five part series.

Why are you scared?

Is it because you feel so empty?  Why do you feel so empty?  Are you searching for fulfillment in things that just don’t satisfy?  Are you wondering what your purpose is here on this earth?  Are you thinking that you may not amount to anything?  That you may not make it in this world?  And how is it that one “makes it” in this world?

I remember when I was graduating from high school.  I thought to myself, “What am I going to do with my life?” I remember thinking about how I loved theatre, music and dance and loved doing musical theatre.  Throughout my younger years I had been involved in various different productions.  In elementary school I was in a musical version of Cinderella.  Then during my adolescence I was in the musical Oliver Twist and even played “Anne” in Anne of Green Gables.  I took dance classes, voice lessons, acting classes and so on.  However, I was a very insecure individual with low self-esteem and thought that I would never make it in the industry, and that it was pointless for me to even try.

A few years after high school though I had an encounter with Truth – the Living God.  He came into my life in such a powerful and extraordinary way that I have never been the same since.  He permeated every fibre of my being and started to take ahold of the lies that I had believed and the damage that had been done.  He started to heal me up and make me into a new creation.  I had been born again.  That’s what Jesus does.  Lies can’t hold up in the sight of Truth.  When light comes, darkness has to go.

Soon after, I received a calling from Him.  A calling to go into the nations of the world and minister to people’s lives.  A calling to share Truth using the performing arts.  And as of May 2000, this calling started to come to fruition.  I set off for Hong Kong for training and soon traveled throughout various parts of Asia, sharing Truth using the performing arts.  I then moved to Brazil and joined an arts group, doing the same thing.  I had “made it”.  I was living and doing what I thought would bring me satisfaction.  But you know what? It didn’t bring true satisfaction.  You know why? Because I cannot be defined by what I ‘do’.  And it isn’t what I do that will cause true and lasting peace, satisfaction, contentment, joy, fulfillment, and the list goes on.  What I do is not who I ‘am’.  And who I am is what will remain throughout all of my life and into eternity.

I can say, with confidence and full surety now, that I am a woman that is fulfilled.  And it is not because of what I do.  It’s not because of what I have.  But it’s because I am found in Him.  I am in a living, active, passionate and intimate relationship with Him.  He has made Himself one with me.  And that’s what brings me meaning.  That’s what brings me satisfaction and contentment.  That’s what brings me security.

So then, there is nothing to be scared of.  There is no room for fear.  He that put the sun in the sky and brought everything into existence is with me.  And I will remain with Him.

Are you worried, scared and anxious about your life? What’s got your heart in a loop?  Leave a comment and let me know.