Heart Ticks

I was watching a Ted Talk on Youtube late one night a couple of weeks ago. Paul Morgan was the speaker and his topic was, “How postmodern humans can wake up and find their groove.” There were a number of different things he said that really impacted me, such as:

–We live in a culture that nourishes distractions.

–The world we’re heading towards is of social and ecological chaos.

–A place without nature, eating food out of machines (like The Jetsons)

–A world full of high-tech stuff without a decent planet to put it on.

He said that we needed to start putting an emphasis on ‘being more’, instead of ‘buying more’ (really becoming happy not working hard, and then eating pills to become happy).

When I started to write this poem, I didn’t know where I was going with it. However, as I progressed with it, I knew I wanted to touch on this subject of depression and modern culture.

What do you think about Paul Morgan’s words? Do you agree, or disagree with what he said? Do you believe that a lot of the reason we are seeing an epidemic of depression is because of working too hard, aquiring too many things (hoping that they’ll bring happiness), and a falling away from values that were held in high regard in the past, especially during pre-indrustrial times (community, hospitality, etc.)?

In Your Eyes

I can see
Through this window to your soul
There’s a need
To know peace, to find some calm
Tranquility
I can see
You’re just like me

In your eyes
Sad, sad eyes
Your eyes
Sad, sad eyes
In your eyes
Sad, sad eyes
Sad, sad eyes

You can’t change
The way you feel the things you do
There’s no hope
No escaping this emotional zoo
In a prison
I can see
You’re just like me.

Have you ever suffered with depression? Have you ever wondered why so many people now-a-day suffer with it? Have you ever wondered why depression has become the epidemic of the 21st century?

I started writing this song a few years ago, and just haven’t gotten around to finishing it yet. I don’t really know how to finish it. I have suffered from something since my early 20s, although I have never received a full diagnosis. All I know is that you don’t want to be around me if I don’t take my medication. I don’t sleep. I get extremely irritated. I inhale my food, unable to control myself. My emotions are all over the map, and I am ultra-sensitive. There have been speculations of bi-polar, depression, anxiety disorder and ADHD. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll find out what it is, but for now I’ll keep taking my meds, because they seem to help.

Depression isn’t anything new. It dates back to pre-history and medieval periods. Now-a-day, we hear of depression as being the disease, or epidemic of the 21st century. Why is that so? Could it be because of the breakdown of family structure in modern times? A Government study mentioned on ‘Mail Online’ says,“Children from broken families are nearly five times more likely to suffer damaging mental troubles than those whose parents stay together.” Another article says, “Depressed: Children from broken homes are more likely to be plagued by suicidal thoughts in later life.” Freud also emphasizes early life experiences as a predisposing factor.

Maybe the problem lies in our values system as a society. We hold ‘being happy’ as the be-all, end-all of life. If I have the perfect body, make a lot of money, have a healthy family, am healthy myself, have a big house and acquire the things I like, then I’ll be happy. If one doesn’t achieve these things, is continually striving for them, and never satisfied with what they have, then they have been unsuccessful at reaching their goal of ‘happiness’. Depression creeps in.

Then there’s the problem with actually acquiring all of these things, but still not finding happiness in it all. Then what? One may have all they could ask for, but it still doesn’t satisfy. So then, the search for ‘happiness’ has proven to be a waste of time and life.

I’m sure that depression is caused by a number of things. What causes it in one, may not be the cause in another. I believe I have some type of chemical imbalance, yet why do I? What contributed to that happening? Is it because I didn’t have a good father? Or because I bought into the lie of needing to be perfect, yet never attaining it? Who knows?

Now back to you. Have you ever suffered with depression? Have you ever wondered why so many people now-a-day suffer with it? Have you ever wondered why depression has become the epidemic of the 21st century?

Erika – #2 in the songs series

Erika, oh Erika
Why do you cry so?
When I tell you you’re beautiful
Why do you cry so?
When I say nice things to you
Why do you cry so?

What did they tell you
When you were a child?
What did they tell you
While you were growing up?
How did they hurt you?
How did they make you sad?
You are a beautiful girl
You are a beautiful girl

Erika, oh Erika
Why do you cry so?
When I tell you you’re beautiful
Why do you cry so?
When I say nice things to you
Why do you cry so?

I’m so glad I got to know you
To hold you and share with you
I’m so glad I got to love you
The privilege is mine to have known you
To me you are so precious
A jewel to be treasured
You are a beautiful girl
You are a beautiful girl

Erika, oh Erika
Why do you cry so?
When I tell you you’re beautiful
Why do you cry so?
When I say nice things to you
Why do you cry so?

This song was inspired by a girl I met in Salvador, Bahia, Brazil.  As the title suggests, her name is Erika.  My husband and I were leading an arts team and one night, while doing some street performing in a slum area of the city I met her.  I believe that God values each person as an individual, so I had made it a habit to pray and ask God who he would have me approach and what he would have me share with that person.  I saw Erika watching in the distance and what came to my mind was a passage from the Bible, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavey laden and I will give you rest.  Take my burden upon you for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  I decided to take a step of faith and share that with her, and as I did, she started crying.  This was during the beginning of our month-long stay in that place.  Erika and I developed a really special relationship.  So much so that she started calling me mom.  She would come and visit us all the time and I would share God’s heart with her and she would cry, and cry, and cry.  She is such a beautiful girl, and so precious.  She is a jewel, as all people are in the sight of God.  I don’t know what had caused her so much hurt and pain.  I just know that her maker loved her, and wanted to make her whole.  And so was birthed this song, ‘Erika’.

Have you ever felt like you were no good? Have you ever been belittled by someone?  If so, how has it affected you as a person? How did it make you feel? Did you see yourself differently?  Did you think of yourself any less than you had thought before?  Did it affect your self-esteem.  I know that it did for me. Penny for your thoughts hmmmmm…..