In Your Eyes


In Your Eyes

I can see
Through this window to your soul
There’s a need
To know peace, to find some calm
Tranquility
I can see
You’re just like me

In your eyes
Sad, sad eyes
Your eyes
Sad, sad eyes
In your eyes
Sad, sad eyes
Sad, sad eyes

You can’t change
The way you feel the things you do
There’s no hope
No escaping this emotional zoo
In a prison
I can see
You’re just like me.

Have you ever suffered with depression? Have you ever wondered why so many people now-a-day suffer with it? Have you ever wondered why depression has become the epidemic of the 21st century?

I started writing this song a few years ago, and just haven’t gotten around to finishing it yet. I don’t really know how to finish it. I have suffered from something since my early 20s, although I have never received a full diagnosis. All I know is that you don’t want to be around me if I don’t take my medication. I don’t sleep. I get extremely irritated. I inhale my food, unable to control myself. My emotions are all over the map, and I am ultra-sensitive. There have been speculations of bi-polar, depression, anxiety disorder and ADHD. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll find out what it is, but for now I’ll keep taking my meds, because they seem to help.

Depression isn’t anything new. It dates back to pre-history and medieval periods. Now-a-day, we hear of depression as being the disease, or epidemic of the 21st century. Why is that so? Could it be because of the breakdown of family structure in modern times? A Government study mentioned on ‘Mail Online’ says,Children from broken families are nearly five times more likely to suffer damaging mental troubles than those whose parents stay together.” Another article says, “Depressed: Children from broken homes are more likely to be plagued by suicidal thoughts in later life.” Freud also emphasizes early life experiences as a predisposing factor.

Maybe the problem lies in our values system as a society. We hold ‘being happy’ as the be-all, end-all of life. If I have the perfect body, make a lot of money, have a healthy family, am healthy myself, have a big house and acquire the things I like, then I’ll be happy. If one doesn’t achieve these things, is continually striving for them, and never satisfied with what they have, then they have been unsuccessful at reaching their goal of ‘happiness’. Depression creeps in.

Then there’s the problem with actually acquiring all of these things, but still not finding happiness in it all. Then what? One may have all they could ask for, but it still doesn’t satisfy. So then, the search for ‘happiness’ has proven to be a waste of time and life.

I’m sure that depression is caused by a number of things. What causes it in one, may not be the cause in another. I believe I have some type of chemical imbalance, yet why do I? What contributed to that happening? Is it because I didn’t have a good father? Or because I bought into the lie of needing to be perfect, yet never attaining it? Who knows?

Now back to you. Have you ever suffered with depression? Have you ever wondered why so many people now-a-day suffer with it? Have you ever wondered why depression has become the epidemic of the 21st century?

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29 thoughts on “In Your Eyes

  1. You’re further along on your journey, by that, I mean you’ve identified what ails you, some of the triggers, and what can help you. Happiness, joy, enthusiasm for life, has to be found in something other than possessions, because we have them and it doesn’t ‘cure’ us. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. It made me think about physiological factors that can make one prone to depression.

    • Hey Timi. Yes, I am further along. It’s funny because I’m totally satisfied as a woman, person, etc. I am content with the life I have, and that stems out of my faith. I am resolved about my past, especially concerning my dad. I think that the way we’re brought up can really make a difference in psychological development and all. Maybe that’s where the chemical imbalance comes in. Who knows. All I know is that life is so short and I’m a nomad here. I’ll live my life according His great plan for me, and when I leave this world, enter into eternity, well – that’s a whole other story now, isn’t it.
      Thanks a ton for your great comment Timi.
      🙂

  2. Wow. Thanks for sharing ur life Staci. I too, like you, have funks. My doctor calls them depressions. Been seeing specialists. Nultiple PTSDs and God knows what else. Made some chnages in my life. Have a new attitude, girlfriend who is my twin, write poetry, music and more, even learning a new language; Mandarin one of the toughest as tonal. Party too much as need an escape from myself and the noise. Not sure why I do but my psych says its linked to my messed up head. First they want to treat my PTSD’s before the other stuff. Hurt a lot but still love a lot. Feel good in my own skin but know I do not belong here … Like “an alien in a foreign land.”. I have hope. Know well that you do too. Friends, family and He on high. Keep writing. Love your stuff.

    Terry
    Terry

    • Wow! You’re learning Mandarin. That’s a huge feat, my friend. They say that to become fluent in a language, it takes about 2 years. However, with Mandarin (and Cantonese) it takes about 5 years. Good on you. Is your girlfriend Chinese?
      Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement Terry. I’m so happy that you enjoy my simple writings.
      Blessings.
      🙂

  3. I don’t have all the answers. I do know that when I really looked at who I really am and began to embrace all of it, I haven’t had the same experience since.. of needing medication and of feeling helpless. (I did have periods of extreme depression and anxiety before) The emotions seem to be the same, but my frame of reference has changed. I also embrace all emotion. I don’t try to be one over.. and I am able to experience more than one at a time. Also I am able to disconnect from outer circumstances and be okay inside no matter what now. ❤ Laurie

    • That’s great Laurie. I’m so glad to hear that. For me, I am satisfied as a woman and person. I am content with my life and where it’s going. I believe that I live for a higher purpose than what the material world offers. I don’t know why or what it is that causes chemical imbalances, let alone other physical illnesses. I’m sure there are a number of factors that could be involved and each person is an individual and has their own life experiences. In my case, I just don’t sleep, I’m extremely anxious, my emotions are all over the place without my medication. My brother swears that I have ADHD and that it’s never been diagnosed. I left the insomnia alone for about 8 years before finally succumbing to medical/pharmaceutical help. I really think that our family life and upbringing really has an effect on the psychological development of children. I had a really tumultuous childhood with my dad, an extreme alcoholic, that I was always frightened of. Maybe that contributed to some type of chemical imbalance, who knows. I’m totally resolved about him now, have forgiven him and all, however the damage has been done.
      Thanks for sharing your beautiful comment Laurie.
      🙂

  4. Olá, Staci. Penso que já tive vários momentos depressivos e uma época mais longa desse sentimento. No meu caso, isso foi causado por uma rotina intensa de muito trabalho, pouco sono, pouca reflexão, etc. Acho que você deu excelentes exemplos do que pode nos causar depressão atualmente. O mundo moderno é recheado de causadores de angustia e depressão.
    Poema intenso e ótima reflexão sobre o tema. Parabéns!

    • Olá Adriano. Muito obrigada por seu comentário e por compartilhar as suas experiencias. Eu também passei pelos mesmos experiencias que você. Eu também cresci em medo do meu pai, e acredito que isso fez uma grande diferença em meu desenvolvimento psicológico. Eu já perdoei meu Pai e não tenho nem um sentimento para com ele. Mas, acredito que meu passado causou este desequilíbrio químico no celebro. Por isso, eu preciso tomar remédio. Mais e mais casos estão sendo registrados
      casos de depressão do mundo, e é uma realidade bem triste.
      Abraços.
      🙂

  5. I’ve been extremely sad, but I don’t know how that differentiates from what is called clinical depression. I think that you touch upon a very important thing here – happiness. So much is being made of being happy, to the extent that it’s more important than anything. I see it in the divorce rates, when one of the spouses says he or she is not happy. I’m very confused by this and also disappointed at the same time. Life, to me, is not just happiness. It is the gamut of all emotions, whose confluence becomes us. I am not me with my sadness, my joy, my anger and my peace. Also, so much is made of possessions, and we have a tendency as a society to equate material things with happiness. I’ve gone shopping when depressed in an effort to life my spirits, but it’s a hollow happiness – and short lived. Anyway, please stop me from rambling, Staci. Sometimes I go on and on… 🙂

    • No way! I’m not going to stop you Rob. You can ramble all you want :-). I love this comment Rob. Wow! Really do. I sooooooo agree with you when it comes to the high divorce rates. People think that when they get married, their spouse is suppose to make them happy. Marriage is hard work and requires commitment, tenacity, sacrifice, etc. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a verb, and action word. It’s something you do. I think those that are in arranged marriages understand this so much more than us westerners.
      Thanks a ton Rob.
      🙂

      • It is work, and on top of all of the work, it’s the commitment to the kids we brought into the world that we’re their parents, we have a job to do and we’re going to be here for them and finish that job. What are we if not examples for our children?

      • Well said Rob. I agree 100%. I understand divorce if there’s infidelity or abuse. But just because you’re no longer ‘happy’ or ‘in love’ with your spouse is no excuse. I just think it’s pure selfishness and irresponsibility.
        Thanks for enriching the conversation here, my friend.
        🙂

  6. I think nowadays…people are running behind materialistic things…which is one of the major reason…if we don’t have a latest gadget or a dress…we go mad…if we gain weight we go in depression…if we don’t do well in exams then we go into depression…we have started taking tension for every small and many times for stupid things…we have forgot the beauty of taking things slowly…we are running like mads in this fast pace of life…

    Something is definitely wrong with the world 🙂

    • I hear you loud and clear Aarya. Thanks to post-industrialization, the modern world has turned into a microwave culture. I want it, and I want it now. We are so busy, and have a tough time slowing down to appreciate what truly matters.
      Thanks for such a great comment.
      🙂

  7. Thanks for being so open. Just the other day I picked up an herbal supplement from a local health food store called ‘good mood’ nervous system stabilizing to help lift my spirit. It’s a combination of St. John’s wort, ashwagandha root, skullcap flowering herb, and picky ash bark. So many heartaches all around us, in the world, not getting enough sleep, and worrying doesn’t help either. I am a worry ward, especially when it comes to my kids. I stay awake during the wee hours of the night thinking about them, I find taking walks, a few short runs a week, cleaneating, talking to my spouse, and prayer helps. I have a lot of baggage, went through a lot of trials in the past. God’s grace has brought us safe thus far, my friend, and His grace will lead us home. One day our Heavenly Father will wipe away all tears from our eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things will be passed away. Rev. 21:4 In the meantime, His grace is sufficient for us. He will never leave us nor forsake us during our struggles. Love in Christ ❤

    • Hi Abby. Thank you so much for sharing. I remember, way back, I used to take a herbal supplement to help me sleep. I would get so anxious before bed, which didn’t help at all. Even though I was so tired, I still couldn’t fall asleep. I went years like this, until I finally gave in and went to the doctor and started taking medication. It certainly helped. If I go off of it, all of the insomnia, anxiety, etc returns. I also exercise daily, eat clean, pray and walk to reflect. God is amazing and fills me with his peace, and it’s so true what you said, “there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither pain”. We are not our bodies, but so much more. We are spirit, which will go into eternity. This time here is just a tiny dot, compared to what is to come.
      Thanks again Abby and many blessings to you and your family.
      Love Staci
      🙂

  8. Woke up crying…wet the bed again! But my dream, was so real; I went to the bathroom, took a leak…but my wet sheets belied the dream. I cried in confusion and protest – I didn’t want to wet. Again. Then my parents came. No shouting, hitting; they just loved me. Changed my clothes, the bedsheets, gave me a hug. I knew they loved me.
    We get glimpses here and there of what Paul wrote of, when in heaven we will see God face to face, when we will know as we are known. God himself is our hope. This broken world will be fixed. Our Father gave us his Word on it. His Holy Spirit comforts us as his children. Cry; you’re not alone.

    • Wow Rob. What an amazing comment. Thank you so much for this. And it’s so true. Did you read the comment that Abby made? She said it all right there too.
      Blessings
      🙂

  9. I think that the answer to depression lies in our accepting who we are and what we feel. He accepts us as we are and sees us clothed in white and pure righteousness. Blows me away every time I think about it. Maybe we carry the sorrow of the world on our shoulders and fail to let Him carry the load. Easy to say but harder to do. Hugs to you and your family and friends Staci.

    • Thanks you so much for such a great comment. Yes, it’s so freeing to know that He does accept us as we are. Oftentimes it’s hard for us to comprehend that, but He is patient and keeps drawing us with His love.
      Hugs to you and yours as well.
      🙂

  10. I think there are many reasons for depression. Sometimes depression arises out of our lying to ourselves. Sometimes from failing to do the things we know we should do. Sometimes it is a temporary and permanent chemical imbalance. Sometimes it is from living with people who destroy us emotionally.

    Ever read any of Scott Peck’s books – ‘The Road Less Traveled’ and ‘The People of the Lie.’ I found those quite interesting.

    I once went through a relatively brief (about a year) period of depression in my early twenties. It was absolutely horrible! The hopelessness is really something. In my case, the death of someone close to me brought it on, but then it escalated – sadness, fear, panic attacks. When I thought I’d never recover, I had a clear-cut spiritual experience – and I knew suddenly, completely, I was going to be all right, that something greater than me cared about me. From that point forward, I knew I was going to be okay – and I was.

    I was blessed.

    • Hi Kate
      I think you’re right. There are many answers to this question.
      I haven’t read any of Scott Peck’s books. I’ll have to check them out.
      Wow, that’s quite a testimony. I just had a visit with my neurologist last week. His diagnosis for me is that I have an anxiety disorder and am slightly hyper-active. I’m starting to think that I am dependent on my meds now that, if I try to stop, I crack. He asked me if I wanted to try a lower dose now that my life is pretty routine and fixed at the moment. I said, “NO”. But I think I just might go ahead and try. It can’t hurt right. Ultimately, I would absolutely love to have the ‘clear-cut spiritual experience that you had. God has healed me of sooooo much garbage from my past. I would love healing from this as well. This and my hypo-thyroid.
      Blessings Kate, and thank you so much for sharing.
      🙂

  11. I’ve suffered with depression from my teenage years right up to the present day and I am not sure that it is something that I will ever truly shake. I think it’s a combination of nature and nurture that makes some people more susceptible to depression than others and the mix of a troubled past and a chemical imbalance in the brain can have a major effect on how we function in our day to day lives.

    I tend to think of the illness has having periods of dormancy where it doesn’t affect my day to day life and then other times when it all but consumes me. I’ve had big changes in my life which have made me feel happier and more hopeful that I will be better placed to deal with any depressive episodes should they arise in the future.

    Great post, Staci ❤

    • Thank you so much for sharing Heather. I think we are very much alike on this level. I feel exactly the same way. I have to take medication. However, things in my life are a little less stressful at the moment so I may try and lesson the dosage. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll be able to get completely off of it.
      Keep smiling and writing, my friend. And thank you so much for the compliment.
      🙂 ❤

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